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He blamed my spirituality for our divorce. Yesterday, I recorded a podcast where we spoke about my divorce. I've spoken about that chapter of my life many times. I've healed so much around it, understood the lessons, forgiven, released and moved forward. But when I came home after the recording, something resurfaced, and suddenly I saw a soul pattern I had never seen before. My ex-husband and I have shared lifetimes before this one. There is one lifetime in particular that has been shown to me very clearly through past life regression sessions. He was the local juggler and entertainer, performing in the market square. I would come into the village to buy bread and flowers, and he would do everything he could to get my attention — juggling, performing, trying to impress me and make me laugh. We eventually fell in love and married. What always makes me smile is how similarly we met in this lifetime. There was no market square and no juggling, but there was a dance floor. And there he was, doing everything he could with his dance moves to get my attention. Same souls, different lifetime, different stage. In the past lifetime I had been shown, we had a happy marriage for many years, until my spiritual gifts began to awaken. I started receiving visions. I became drawn towards healing and working with plants. I began learning from the elders and stepping deeper into a part of myself that had always been there. He couldn't accept it. He wanted to leave our marriage, but separation wasn't permitted in the way it is today, so instead he had me locked away in an institution. I was labelled mad. My visions became evidence that there was something wrong with me, my connection to healing became something to fear, and my gifts became something I learned was safer to hide. I have known about this lifetime for years. I have explored it, understood it and worked with parts of what happened there. But yesterday, I saw something I had never connected before. When my ex-husband and I married in this lifetime, I converted to Catholicism and we had a Catholic wedding. It was beautiful, but if I am truthful, it wasn't how I would have chosen to marry. I would have chosen a forest, barefoot on the Earth, surrounded by flowers and nature. Something sacred, intimate and free. But I stepped into his faith and his way of doing things. And yesterday, I remembered something I hadn't thought about for years. When I received our divorce papers, he had written “religious differences” as one of his reasons for divorcing me, explaining that I wasn't following the Catholic faith and its rules. Suddenly, everything connected. It was the same souls, meeting the same wound again. In one lifetime, my spiritual awakening resulted in me being called crazy and hidden away. In this lifetime, my spirituality had once again become something that was used as a reason why our marriage couldn't continue. And I realised something even deeper. I had healed the divorce. But I hadn't healed the shame. Somewhere within me, there was still an imprint that my gifts could make people leave, that my spirituality could make me unacceptable, and that allowing myself to be fully seen could cost me the people I loved. When I saw it, I knew I didn't want to carry that contract any further. I reached out to my teacher and received a powerful Light Code Healing session. Together, we went back into the pattern — not only what happened within this lifetime, but the energetic imprint I had been carrying across lifetimes. We worked with the shame attached to my gifts, the fear of being fully seen, the belief that expressing my spirituality could cost me love, and the soul contract that had continued to bring this wound forward to be healed. And we dissolved it. There was something incredibly powerful about finally seeing the whole pattern, because sometimes we think we have healed something simply because we no longer feel emotional when we tell the story. But healing has layers, and sometimes what we are experiencing today didn't begin today. It can be a fear you can't explain, a relationship dynamic that feels strangely familiar, a pattern that keeps repeating despite all the work you have done, or a part of yourself you continue to hide without really understanding why. Sometimes, the root isn't only in this lifetime. I believe our souls can bring us back into relationship with one another because there is something unfinished between us — something to remember, forgive, release or finally do differently. And yesterday, I realised that perhaps part of our soul contract was never about staying together forever. Perhaps we came back together so that I could finally meet the same wound and choose differently. There was a lifetime where my gifts were taken away from me and I was hidden because of them. Then there was this lifetime, where I was given another opportunity to meet that same wound. Only this time, I didn't disappear. I became more visible. I built my life around the very gifts I had once been taught to hide. I became the healer and the teacher, and I chose to walk deeper into the path that once made me unacceptable. Maybe that was the contract all along. Not to stay, but to awaken. With love, Maria x
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